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March 15, 2023

Psychic Predicts Own Unemployment, Cites Declining Interest in the Paranormal

In a surprising turn of events, local psychic Madam Zara has predicted her own impending unemployment, citing a steady decline in interest in the paranormal as the primary cause. Madam Zara, known for her uncanny ability to foresee events, held a press conference yesterday to share her grim premonition.

"Last night, as I gazed into my crystal ball, I saw a bleak future ahead," said Madam Zara, her voice trembling. "I saw my once-thriving psychic parlor reduced to a mere curiosity shop, with customers only stopping by to snap selfies and buy kitschy souvenirs."

Madam Zara attributes this downturn in her fortunes to the general public's waning fascination with the supernatural. She believes that society has become too preoccupied with technology and virtual reality to appreciate the mysticism of the psychic realm.

"Between smartphones, social media, and binge-watching TV shows, people have lost touch with the spiritual world," she lamented. "It's hard to compete with the instant gratification of the internet when your crystal ball takes 30 minutes to 'buffer.'"

In a desperate bid to modernize her services, Madam Zara has tried incorporating technology into her readings, offering palm scans and aura detection via smartphone apps. However, these efforts have been met with limited success.

"I even tried offering a 'Buy One, Get One Free' tarot reading on Groupon," she admitted, "but nobody seemed interested. It's a sad day when people would rather scroll through cat memes than learn about their past lives."

Despite her dire prediction, some of Madam Zara's loyal clients remain hopeful that her prophecy will not come to pass. "I've been coming to Madam Zara for years," said longtime customer, Gullible Gary. "She's been wrong before, like the time she predicted I'd win the lottery but forgot to mention which year. Maybe this is just another miss."

In the face of this potential crisis, Madam Zara has made a plea to the public to rekindle their interest in the paranormal. "We must not allow the psychic arts to fade away in the shadow of technology," she implored. "The future may be uncertain, but one thing is clear: the world needs the guidance of the supernatural now more than ever."

Whether Madam Zara's prediction of her own unemployment will come true remains to be seen. Until then, she will continue to gaze into her crystal ball, hoping that the tides of fortune will turn in her favor.

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