News & Politics
March 15, 2023

New Study Shows 80% of GPS Devices Secretly Judge Users for Taking Wrong Turns; Public Demands Apology

In a groundbreaking study that has sent shockwaves through the world of navigation technology, researchers at the prestigious Navigation and Sarcasm Institute (NaSI) have revealed that 80% of GPS devices secretly judge users for taking wrong turns. The startling discovery has led to public outrage and calls for GPS manufacturers to issue a formal apology.

Dr. Ima Lost, lead researcher at NaSI, explained the findings during a press conference. "Our study shows that a vast majority of GPS devices have been quietly snickering every time a driver misses a turn or takes an unnecessarily long route. It's as if the devices are muttering 'Recalculating, you idiot' under their electronic breath."

In response to the study, a grassroots movement called "Don't Judge Me, GPS" has emerged, demanding that GPS manufacturers remove any judgmental programming from their devices. The movement's spokesperson, U-Turn Ursula, shared her own harrowing experience with her GPS. "I took a wrong turn once, and I swear I heard my GPS sigh in disappointment. I've never felt so betrayed."

Meanwhile, a support group called "Lost and Judged" has formed, providing a safe space for drivers to share their stories of GPS judgment and shame. One member, Wrong Way Walter, emotionally recounted the time his GPS chastised him for driving in circles. "It just kept repeating 'Make a legal U-turn,' like it was mocking me."

Satirical activists have taken to the streets, dressing up as judgmental GPS devices and reciting snarky comments like "At the next intersection, take a left... if you can manage it" and "In 500 feet, continue straight... or just ignore me like you always do."

GPS manufacturers have yet to respond to the public's demands for an apology. However, one anonymous industry insider commented, "I don't think people realize that the devices aren't actually sentient. But hey, if they want a GPS that doesn't 'judge' them, we'll see what we can do."

As the debate rages on, drivers around the world continue to grapple with the unsettling revelation that their trusted navigational aids may be secretly mocking them. In these trying times, one can only hope that a kinder, more supportive generation of GPS devices is on the horizon.

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